‘Every Step She Takes Is Where She Belongs’-Soomin Park
Andrea Marie, from United Pursuit Band, has a song titled ‘Amber’ in her recent solo album (check it out, it’s so good). This particular song really speaks to me in showing me a picture of a confident, beautiful woman walking in freedom, embracing everything that God has made and called her out to be. The line ‘every step she takes is where she belongs’ resonates deeply with me, because of my personal journey of struggle in my desire to belong somewhere- a place, a group of people- and at the same time, having too many, a myriad of interests; constant curiosity for the world outside of my bubble or more so a desire to connect with whatever is outside of my bubble, because I don’t want to become comfortable; I want to stay engaged, I want to be compassionate. And I guess that’s been one of the things that led me to become someone that others perceive as a ‘pretty independent person’. I really do puzzle myself sometimes because these two things take me places I wouldn’t have thought of going. Haha.
At the time of this being written, I am currently studying abroad in Turkey for a semester- it’s nearing the end, actually. I am flying back to California in just three weeks. I was born in S. Korea but grew up in Silicon Valley in California as a Korean-American that never felt comfortable with either or both of those words put together. I can do it. I can appear perfectly Korean-American and speak fluent Korean and English. I can appear to be the typical, good Korean-American Christian girl and not express anything outside of that ‘norm’ (whatever that’s supposed to look like). But that wouldn’t be being who I am. That wouldn’t be being and expressing everything that He’s made me to be. To be honest, I feel like I can’t breathe, in such circumstances and expectations.
Nowadays, more than ever, I feel like a pioneer (‘every step she takes’… haha sigh) in freely being and embracing. What a woman who truly knows and celebrates who she is in God, looks like- especially as a Korean American girl or as a Korean woman, in the church as well. Sadly, the picture of being a ‘holy woman’ has been manipulated and undermined, even in the church. It takes courage, to recognize this and to dare to not conform. It takes courage, just to be me, freely.
I feel like I am learning how to not conform, even from my own expectations and perceptions of myself- there are parts of me that I am still in the process of discovering- that sometimes feel quite different from what I am used to or might expect. And it’s not that I am losing parts of my personality but am actually becoming more and more alive. For example, I tend to like things that generally can be seen as ‘girly and soft’ and I think parts of my personality reflects that too. But I also know that I have a fierce spirit (I just looked up the definition of the word ‘fierce’ and it says, “a heartfelt and powerful intensity”… I like that!). There is freedom knowing that I can be both! That it is embracing everything that He has made me to be. This makes sense, because the only image I will conform to is the image of Christ.
Every step that I take is where I belong. I don’t have to feel like I don’t belong or fit into a certain expectation or perception of who I am- from the friends I grew up with, from the friends and family I have now that I would say know me best, and even from myself- because I am still on an ongoing journey of discovering and embracing everything that God has crafted in me, that has yet to come alive. He truly knows me better than I know myself… He’s my Creator, afterall : ). There’s still much more to come alive in my heart and to be expressed for the world to see. And yes, it is okay and good for the world to see- He loves to display His glory in us, and He calls us the light of the world. Maybe what the world desperately needs to see today, are people who are fully alive, because they truly believe in the goodness of God. When you encounter the goodness of God, you tend to become more and more alive. And it becomes easy to demonstrate the goodness of our Father.
Belonging, I’ve been discovering, doesn’t come from trying to fit into a certain group of people, sets of expectations, or even from being at a certain geographic location and learning the ways of a culture. Belonging comes from identity: from knowing who you are, a daughter of a really, really good God, and living in the sweet reality that He delights in seeing your heart come alive.
To be honest, sometimes it’s still scary. But then I remind myself of how Jesus describes the Bride, and how He sees her already. The Bride- the Church- Christ’s partner- is beautiful. She is radiant. She is pure and spotless. She is strong. She sets captives free. She opens the eyes of the blind. She heals the broken-hearted. She proclaims the gospel to the nations. She demonstrates the goodness of God. She loves people into the Family, into the Kingdom. She loves with furious love.
I know the Truth. The truth is that He is with me wherever I go. He is with me every moment of every day. He is with me every step that I take, so every step I take is where I belong. It is the sweetest truth. And it’s powerful. Oh yes.