A belated update. I had originally planned on writing down some revelations I had a few weeks ago, but I got distracted. This entry is jumbled up, but that’s often how revelations are. Points connect here and there, but hopefully it makes sense in the end. Back on the Sunday we had simple church and baptisms, something clicked during worship. It was the value of being able to receive. For so long, I had this head knowledge that I don’t have to strive for God’s approval or do anything to gain gifts. It wasn’t until that Sunday morning when that idea sank into my heart.

While Becca was leading worship, I was pondering all the impartations that I had received and the crazy stuff in the past few weeks. What was I supposed to do with it all? I was feeling rather unsatisfied with my life. I felt that it lacked substance; everything I did, my existence, felt so empty. Like, what’s the dealio? Sigh.. sadness. In this state of being, some thoughts surfaced in my mind. Life and ministry is meaningless without God. It is an empty shell because it is missing the life that only Jesus can provide. In my mind’s eye, I saw a clear glass container that was being filled with living water until it was overflowing. We need to be filled with the Holy Spirit, so that we can give life to others from our abundance of life. This is only possible if we let ourselves be filled. The vessel is just a vessel; it is purposeless if it is not carrying something. However, the container doesn’t need to work at being filled, that’s the job of whoever pours into it. It just has to receive.

Similarly, I saw the picture of a glove. The glove was lifeless until there was a hand in it. People are the glove that do the work of the Father when they allow themselves to be possessed by Him. I concluded that this life, this person that I am, is meant to be surrendered to God to allow Him to do whatever He wants. Only in the act of relinquishing control to the Holy Spirit, can my existence be truly profound and meaningful. The greatest thing is that the burden of performance is lifted off my shoulders. I’m not the one healing the sick, loving people, it is Christ in me. What is more, it’s not that I need to try hard to be filled. I only need to just give God time and space in my life. I’m learning to take time in prayer to just receive and not try to busy myself in His presence.

To live is Christ, and to die is gain.